but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
