Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
