well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize