I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
