I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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