I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
