I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it's like iHOP with fire
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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