I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
