Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
