i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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