I showed him my bush... on skype.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
