I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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