i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
