Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
