I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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