Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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