She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
