His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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