So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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