Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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