I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
