it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
