I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
