i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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