brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
