Where did you get a picture of my penis
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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