Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
