lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
