my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
