Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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