Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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