Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
