i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
