Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i love accidental penises.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sarcasm needs its own font
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
