I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
