You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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