Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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