Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize