I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
