I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize