I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
NoShamevember. You game?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize