We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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