it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
