i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
