So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
