Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
