We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
