if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
