"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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