if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
