Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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