If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
