low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
