you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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