Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
