Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm passing your future prison.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
