So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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