She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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