I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
