My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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