some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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