My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
