If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
