Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
