I hope mine doesn't look like that
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
