If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Someone came in the potted fern
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
