Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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