Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We talked him into tasing himself.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
