She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
