I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
