her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
