you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
