Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
