Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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