she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
