Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
handjob tips. give me some.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
