i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
