Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
