it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
