i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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