I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
