it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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