I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
