Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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