just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
