The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
