just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
