mondays should just be called national damage control day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
