so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize