i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
