she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
