so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Im part way to drunk.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
