Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
