Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
