Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
