I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize