Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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