I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
