He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
