Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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