i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
