i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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