no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
