actually, I'm a sock model
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
