The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
