The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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