they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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