the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
